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(OZARKUS HORRIBILIS)
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YOUR FOOL NO MORE!
AMERICUS CORRUPTUS
PUBLIC HEALTH ALERT
Biologists have discovered a new virus endemic to the Ozarks. It's called Ozarkus collusivus, and it breeds in the backrooms of banks and courthouses. Transmission is by casual contact, including whispers, winks, nods, and Masonic handshakes. There is one documented case of transmission over phone lines.
The high-risk population includes attorneys, bankers, real estate developers, public officials, and drug suspects. Symptoms are feverish bigotry, insatiable greed, sore throat from extreme secrecy, and selective amnesia with statements like, "Not that I recall."
Diagnosis is made by polygraph. There is no known treatment, so prevention is crucial. The public is advised to maintain a high index of skepticism and cynicism when exposed to courthouse proceedings. State and federal health officials have been observed sweeping the virus under carpets. Scientists at the National Institutes of Health have speculated that Ozarkus collusivus is a mutant strain of Americus corruptus.
PUBLIC HEALTH ALERT
Biologists have discovered a new virus endemic to the Ozarks. It's called Ozarkus collusivus, and it breeds in the backrooms of banks and courthouses. Transmission is by casual contact, including whispers, winks, nods, and Masonic handshakes. There is one documented case of transmission over phone lines.
The high-risk population includes attorneys, bankers, real estate developers, public officials, and drug suspects. Symptoms are feverish bigotry, insatiable greed, sore throat from extreme secrecy, and selective amnesia with statements like, "Not that I recall."
Diagnosis is made by polygraph. There is no known treatment, so prevention is crucial. The public is advised to maintain a high index of skepticism and cynicism when exposed to courthouse proceedings. State and federal health officials have been observed sweeping the virus under carpets. Scientists at the National Institutes of Health have speculated that Ozarkus collusivus is a mutant strain of Americus corruptus.